How To Master The Art Of Charismatic Communication, According To A Human Behavior Expert (2024)

Why do some people radiate confidence, while others don’t?

What makes someone charismatic and capable of captivating a room, even virtually?

These are the questions author and human behavior researcher, Vanessa Van Edwards, set out to answer years ago.

As a self-professed “recovering awkward person,” Van Edwards grew up being afraid of social interactions and judgment from others. In college, she once bargained with a professor, requesting to write double the number of assigned papers if she could work alone. Her professor declined, and instead encouraged Van Edwards to begin researching how to interact with others.

That work eventually led Van Edwards to creating her lab, Science of People, and publishing books on the topics of building better relationships and becoming a more memorable, engaging communicator.

Her latest book is Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. In this interview, Van Edwards shares insights and strategies to leverage the tiny signals you’re sending to improve your influence and impact.

Melody Wilding: What inspired you to write this book? Is there a certain story or event that led you to write it?

Vanessa Van Edwards: Seventeen years ago I started a folder called “Curious Cues” on my computer. Every time I saw an interesting eye roll, handshake, or nonverbal oddity, I wrote it down or took a screenshot example. Some of these were negative–cues that piqued my “spidey sense.” I remember writing down a few from a Lance Armstrong interview where he insisted he was not doping (which later turned out to be a big lie). And some cues were positive; cues from highly charismatic, powerful people.

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Then, a few years ago I started to notice patterns: I saw the same positive cues over and over again from people who ended up having wild success, and the same negative cues from people who would turn out to be lying or devious. I wondered if there was a blueprint of all the cues humans send–from verbal, to nonverbal, to vocal. And I wondered if we could learn them and apply them in a usable way. That was the start of me writing Cues.

Wilding: How do you define a cue? Why are cues important in our careers and in business today?

Van Edwards: Cue are the powerful verbal, nonverbal, and vocal signals humans send to each other. We don’t realize we are sending and receiving thousands of cues every day.

Failing to see a cue can lead to missed opportunities. A cue can show you how someone is really feeling about a deal, an idea, or about you. A cue can also clue you in to future behavior. More importantly, failing to send the right cues to others might be the leading cause of “people problems.” The wrong cues can lead to miscommunications, people not taking you or your ideas seriously, people misinterpreting your feelings or intentions. Cues can help ensure your ideas are heard. Having great ideas is a start; learning to share your ideas with the right cues is imperative.

Wilding: You say there are four different types of cues. Can you describe them?

Van Edwards: We tend to focus a lot on one type of cue—verbal. We practice what we want to say before a meeting, we script our presentations, we agonize over the headline in our LinkedIn profile. Yet, words are only one type of cue.

The second type of cue is a nonverbal cue. These are the signals we send through our body language, facial expressions, posture, hand gestures, and positioning. We do this in-person, on video, and in our profile pictures.

The third type of cue is a vocal cue. These are the least utilized but hold so much potential! These are the cues we send in our vocal tone, our cadence, our volume, and our speaking pace. Most people do not realize our voice gives away how we really feel about someone or something and this happens in person, on the phone, over video. Any time someone can hear you, they are listening to your vocal cues.

Last, are our imagery cues. These are the cues we send in the colors we wear, the emblems we hold (rings, pins, fashion accessories), and even in the fonts we use. Think about your Zoom background or what you are holding in your profile photos—those all send signals to others.

The key is to make all of these cues purposeful and aligned with your goals.

Wilding: What are some nonverbal cues readers can use to convey charisma and confidence?

Van Edwards: My favorite nonverbal cue is the lean. It is underutilized and can be used in so many ways. A lean is a universal sign of engagement. A lean is a precursor to activating a connection. What do we do when we want to hear someone better? Lean in. What do we do when we want to see someone better? Lean in. What do we do when we want to hug someone? Lean in. What do we do when we want to taste or smell something delicious? Lean in.

First, we can use leans to show others we are engaged and listening to them (which is very charismatic). When an introvert in the room is speaking, lean in to show subtle encouragement. When you agree with what someone said, lean towards them. When you want to show interest, lean in.

Second, we can decode leans to measure engagement. If someone is into us, agrees with us, or wants more, they lean in toward us—this even happens on video. If someone disagrees, is out of touch, or doesn’t like something we said or did, they will often exhibit a distancing behavior. This is the opposite of a lean and is a signal we should pay attention to. When we see someone suddenly lean back, it’s time for us to pause and take questions. Make sure the person is okay; then regroup, repeat the point another way, or somehow check in.

Highly charismatic people are constantly sending and reading cues that guage and maintain interest.

Wilding: How can readers more effectively use their voice to be taken more seriously?

Van Edwards: This trick comes from Morgan Freeman—who, arguably, has one of the best voices in the business! How does Morgan Freeman always sound so confident? Why is it that we always want to listen to him? He is constantly cueing us with vocal confidence. Morgan Freeman does this by keeping his vocal chords relaxed. We like to hear from people who have absolutely no tension in their jaw, mouth, lips, and chest—this is because people who feel proud, confident, and capable are usually at ease. So we are always listening for the sound of confidence.

How can you relax your vocal chords in an instant? According to Morgan Freeman, yawn. Yes, yawning gives you oxygen and then immediately loosens your mouth, jaw, vocal chords, and lips. Now I would not do this on camera or in a meeting—no one likes to have someone yawn in front of them. But before getting ready, while prepping for an important phone call or presentation, stand up with your arms loose and take in a breath with a big yawn.

You will notice you can speak with more volume after you do this quick exercise!

Wilding: How can we use visual cues to build a more powerful personal brand at work?

Van Edwards: What’s behind you on video calls? What’s on your desk? On your walls? I think the easiest way to start thinking about the visual cues in your personal brand at work is with the props around you.

Be purposeful with the props. For example, I have taught on Youtube since 2007. And I have learned that the props I use in my video completely change my view count, engagement, and even comments.

When I want to focus on the science, I display graphics of my favorite chemical structures behind me. I can use these as teaching aids, and they cue people to think about science. My Youtube channel is more like a classroom than an entertainment channel and I want to cue this to signal to the right people.

When I want to take reader questions or be more casual, I sit down in a lab chair (usually I stand in my teaching videos) and bring in a coffee mug. This signals a more conversational video.

Think carefully about the colors and cues in your backgrounds. Yes, you can blur your background, but why? Maybe cues can help you share your message.

Wilding: Now that we're communicating online much more, we have to be more aware of our digital cues. What are some things readers should be aware of when it comes to communicating via text, Slack, or email?

Van Edwards: Your verbal cues trigger behavior reactions. I’ve noticed that on Slack and in email and text we tend to accidentally start on the negative. We say things like,

“It’s been so busy!”

“I’m so stressed.”

“The weather is horrible.”

“Sorry, terrible traffic.”

“I’m late; the commute was a nightmare.”

Words like stress, busy, terrible, nightmare, and horrible all trigger people to think more about the stressful, busy, terrible, nightmarish, horrible things in their own lives.

If possible, try to make the first ten words in an email, the first ten words you share in a day or in a chat, slightly positive. This can be simple. Ask, “What’s good?” instead of “How are you?” Or say, “All is pretty great” instead of “Fine.”

Those first few verbal cues matter!

Wilding: Anything else you want readers to know?

Van Edwards: If you have social anxiety or get overwhelmed in interactions, I know cues can help. I like to joke that I am a recovering awkward person. I use these cues to help me know exactly what to do in every interaction. Being in control of my cues takes down my anxiety. It has helped me and thousands of my students stay calm and create a more purposeful presence. I know it can help you too.

Cues can also help you read others better, which takes away the guesswork, worries, and anxiety.

You have great ideas, I want to make sure people hear them!

How To Master The Art Of Charismatic Communication, According To A Human Behavior Expert (2024)

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